like it. love it. need it.

So much is happening around me. So many people are confused, hurt, upset, alone, feeling rejected and yet I'm supposed to be finding contentment? I'm supposed to be working and finding myself?! Why do that? Why watch everyone else go through life continuously getting hurt and say "well, God has a reason" yet expect my problems to be fixed? Sometimes I feel so guilty in asking for the things I need when everyone deserves them so much quicker. And why do the people who don't deserve the answers, get them? And why do the ones who on faithful again and again and believe and trust.... are put through the trials?

I'm so tired. Emotionally and physically. I love talking to people, listening to their problems, trying to help them, all that. It just gets heavy sometimes. Especially when I have to deal with my own stuff. That's almost what it feels like. Like, there are people that talk to me about their burdens and struggles and I take them, talk them out, pray for them, all that stuff. But there isn't anyone that I can do that with. Now, I do talk to people. Don't get me wrong, I do have best friends that I share things with. But...I feel like I either can't share everything or I get jipped with answers like, "well, God knows what he's doing"...........really? that's the best I get? I give you two hours and I get "God knows what he's doing"? I KNOW HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING!!! *huff* It's hard for me though, talk to people about all my problems. I don't want people to know, I don't feel like they should, want to, or care to. And if they say they care- they're faking it. Ugh. I have so many trust issues. I guess I need to work all these out before I become a counselor don't I?

I leave in 2 days. It's hard to believe that the summer has already ended. So much has happened yet nothing has. I feel different, look the same, and can't wait to keep moving.

I'm done. done with this entry, done with trying to push things along, done thinking things that weren't true, done hoping for the impossible, done worrying about the possibility, and done trying to find myself.

ta.