I JUST HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY!!!!
for starters:
I'm trying so hard to not be angry, hostile, resentful, and bitter. I'm trying REALLY hard.. but sometimes- you just want to yell at someone "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! DO YOU SEE WHAT YOU DID?!" but I can't. It's not my place, it's not even my problem. But it is when it effects the people I love. I guess, the people that make me feel this way, are the people I need to stay away from. Even in conversation. I can't handle knowing someone has hurt someone else.... someone I care about. I want to fix it, I want to change it, and I want them to be hurt...maybe more physical than anything else. Which is wrong, totally wrong. BUT I CAN'T HELP IT!!! sometimes you just wanna punch someone in the face!! haha
School is only in a few days. It's so bittersweet. I have so much to do between packing/organizing, on top of working 8 hours everyday, on top of trying to connect with people before I leave. *huff*. But I can't lie, I kinda like the busy-ness of it. Keeps my mind going, stops it from thinking too much. Plus I've lost 9 pounds so that's not too shabby. But, after connecting with people, I don't want to leave... :( I want to stay here and KEEP connecting. I've finally gotten close to certain people, I've straightened out what has turned into a beautiful friendship, I'm FINALLY getting into my own at work, and I almost feel like I'm walking into this semester completely unprepared (spiritually). I know something is going to happen. Something life changing. I can feel it, sense it, smell it. It's like right before a storm. The sky gets dark, the air gets thick, the trees start to blow. Then it pours. I don't know if it's going to be a good pouring or a bad pouring... but it hasn't rained in awhile and I know that i know that i know....something is on the horizon.
Recently, in my past posts, I often refer to a friend that I've had "feelings" for (that were never mutual) for quite some time now (5 years now to be exact - almost to the day... but who's counting?). In those posts I continuously put myself out there..well, I'm past it :) I can say that in total contentment and peace. WHY i'm over it? No idea... but it's of God and I'm completely fine with that decision. I need this, this "me-time" with God. Just he and I. I've forgotten what it meant to rely on him [thanks becky :)] and now's better than ever!!
The best thing is... I know i'm not alone in these...........adventures :)
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