I'm goin' off the rails of the crazy train

Now, more than ever... my family needs guidance and faith. Sometimes things get so rough we lose focus of who is truly holding us and all situations in His hands. He knows... He'll provide... He remains...

********

It's odd.. finding such....... contentment?... amidst such rubble. It's like sitting on a huge pile or rocks, stones, and trash yet feeling comfortable. It's amazing and at the same time, hard not to feel guilty. I shouldn't feel like this. I shouldn't be happy when my family is suffering. I shouldn't be okay knowing someone else knows my future and that's all I can depend on. Or should I? Perhaps I'm the only one that sees it, perhaps I'm the one that knows the least. But with the faith of a mustard seed....

********

I cannot thank God enough for what he's given me. I have the best parents in the world. Though times are rough and things are uncertain... they would give up anything for their children. I can securely say, without a shadow of a doubt, that we are first. We are above them on their priority list. It sickens me to think I take advantage of that and it saddens me to know they don't just think of themselves sometimes. But it's comforting to know such love. My sister - she's my best friend. Words can't describe the blessing she is. That's all I can say. And I seriously have the greatest little brother ever. He's only 14 and probably has a stronger relationship with God than I do. It's amazing to see God working through him and touching peoples lives, touching my life. My brother-in-law loves my sister unconditionally and takes care of her and that's all I can ask for. Sometimes I wish he and I had a better relationship, but the one we have is still growing. Alysa Jade is the best niece anyone could ask for. It's cliche to have an aunt say that but seriously, she's the most amazing little girl ever. She's only 7 months and can comfort anyone and heal any broken heart...

********

"My friends are better than your friends"... mine are indeed. Meridyth freaking Lanza is probably the best friend I could have ever.... EVER asked for. Through thick and thicker, she's been there. She lived HOURS away... and was still closer than anyone else. Not only does she live closer, but we share a bathroom. She's an amazing person and pushes me constantly (without even knowing it) to be a better person. In the short 9 months we've lived together, I've learned so much about myself and other people that I'm not sure I want to live the NEXT 9 months with her. ;) (jk jk). She's taught me about true integrity and real honesty... I love her to death. (<

********

And to the ones I haven't even met yet... I pray for constantly. I'm anxious to be at that point in my life where these people are involved, but I'm not rushing it. Taking my stride at a time and loving the process is something I'm constantly learning. Instead of loving the rush of air through my hair, I'm learning to love the slow squish of the earth beneath my feet. (which is ironic because I hate being barefoot outside). 

********

*ahhhh :)

Roses are red. Violets are blue.

It's really easy to be bitter or become resentful. But it's so much more rewarding to be happy and excited. Yes... my best friend is engaged :) She's so young, but I'm so happy for her. I never thought she'd be getting married this young, but she's happy and he's the one, why wait? I'm so happy that her and I stayed close and that I'm apart of this. It's an exciting event in someone's life and I'm apart of my best friends big event :)

********

Seeing guys in a relationship, is endearing. Seeing a guy want to be with a girl, want to be near her, hug her, hold her, kiss her. It's cute. You usually think of guys are strong, independent, and such. But when a guy falls in love, they totally change. It's adorable!

********

Sometimes there are things in life that you wish would just happen already but you can't control them. It's times like this I typically fall apart because I don't have control of the situation and I can't see the future. When I'm traveling somewhere, I like to know at least 2 steps ahead so I can prepare myself. But when you can't see the next few steps ahead and you aren't allowed to use a GPS or Mapquest, you have to rely on your "heavenly" navigation system to direct you... which gets hard and frustrating :( But, thankfully my navigator is patient with me :)

********

I need guidance. It's hard to not look back and wonder "...if things were different?" It's especially hard to not think about it and dream of how things COULD be. But, I have to stop longing for the past. UGH! lots of work ahead of me.